Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 

I find myself sitting here writing this little bit of nowhere, as the apartment is filled with the melodious sounds of Mel exclaiming, "Fuck! I cleared that fireball and the damned game knows it!" Currently, the score appears to be: Super Mario Bros. Two: 54, Mel: 1.

But let's move on to something more wholesome, something that can appeal to everyone in the family!

The library: a source for wisdom and knowledge. A family-friendly place of reputation and dignity, where you'll find only the highest quality of family videos and DVDs. So imagine the look on my face when Mel pointed out to me that our local library branch has the Battle Royale DVD, complete in all its resplendid glory right down to the red "Warning! R-rated for gory scenes of school kids stabbing/shooting/mangling/blowing the crap out of each other!" sticker slapped across the back of the cover.

And to think: we found this one in the Non-Fiction Video section too. Was there a BA Act passed that I was unaware of? Not to mention, I now wonder if I'll be able to find a La Blue Girl DVD in the Non-Fiction Video section, sandwiched somewhere between "Zinc: It's Not Just In Your Breakfast Anymore" and "Mommy, What's That Dog Doing To That Other Dog?"

In other news, I have found what I want for Christmas: http://store1.yimg.com/I/thundermall_1824_2183256

Ah, Puppet Angel. Who knew David Boreanaz would look so good in felt?

posted by Phillip at 9:34 AM

 


www.clean-your-screen-for-free-now.com



posted by Phillip at 6:22 AM

 

Last night, Mel tried to teach me the card game of Gin. I myself had never played it before; the only gin I knew was the kind you added to tonic water. So there we were, sitting on our futon couch, working away on our cards (with Mel having so many sets I'm sure she won despite me reaching Gin first) and munching on some chips & salsa, with Shady the dog curled up on a pillow on the floor, and Chance the cat spread out Sphinx-like on the back of the couch.

About halfway through, the game found itself temporarily due to random act of cat. You see, Chance decided to hop down from the couch, walk over our cards and sniff Shady to see if she was up for a play/wrestling session. This unto itself wasn't much of a problem. However, I've since had to discuss with Chance the problems of jumping down off the back of the couch, and having your back paw land right in the middle of the salsa bowl.

So we had poor Chance in quite a great deal of shock as his paw landed in something cold and squishy, whereas Mel & I were trying not to get him to walk with his salsa-covered foot all over the couch. In the end, while Mel dabbed away the salsa marks on the couch, I had the pleasure of lurching Chance over to the bathroom, whereupon I stuck his foot in the sink and ran it under some water. All the while Chance was staring up at me, and doing his sad little Dilophosaur-hooting thing in protest.

Ultimately, there was no harm done--neither the couch nor Chance was permanently stained by the salsa. And oddly enough, out of this arises Today's Lesson: aside from the occasional hair on the tongue, it's still all right to eat salsa that your housecat accidentally stepped in.

(And upon reading that, hygiene freaks everywhere are no doubt screaming at me.)


posted by Phillip at 5:31 AM

 

This past week has been a blur of running here, running there, and at times running around with absolutely no idea what the hell I am doing. Usually with the latter, Mel has been there to bop me upside the back of the head and reassure me that yes, I'm an idiot, but I'm a cute idiot and she's not done with me yet, so she'll let me get away with it this time.

Despite my work schedule not aligning itself properly with last Friday night's shindig (but naturally, the celestial bodies, which are much harder to move, can easily align themselves up and unleash unnamable and archaeic monstrosities whenever they want to), Mel & I managed to hang out with Mike & Sallie for a few hours. It's rather disconcerting to have spent a long time reassuring myself that while I miss them, it's never that bad, and then discover after our short time hanging out was over, it felt so much like old times again that I was ready to somehow subdue Mike, stuff him into a potato sack and smuggle him back to Kitchener, with Sallie in tow but not in the potato sack.

Granted, this plan all hinged on the unruly variable known as: "somehow."

Not six hours after this all came to its end and we returned home, Mel & I were them playing host to my sister and her fiance as they crashed at our apartment for the weekend. (Fun with police checks and the like for university courses.) Between work shifts, rounds of Halo 2 where I didn't know where the hell I was going let alone know what I was shooting at, rousing obscenity-named card games of Asshole & Bullshit (in which I lost all my M&M mini betting chips), and discovering that the dogs managed to get into a pack of their treats & devour the whole bag...it was rather tiring. Great, but tiring.

I've spent the entire day sitting back and recovering as best I can. Which roughly translates into attempting to sleep in despite Chance the cat's best efforts to bat at my face in a sort of "Play! Play!" gesture at 6am, and what has to be the loudest bout of Bollywood karaoke from our neighbours yet at 10am. But all in all, being able to sit back and think, "Gee, I have nothing I really want to do, or care to do, and this is great!" is a wonderful thing I need to be able to indulge in more often.

In other news, I think the Evidence Mice have decided that I am in fact a threat to their operation for global domination. This evening I was going to pour myself a glass of Coke from one of those plastic 2-litre bottles. No sooner had I begun to unscrew the plastic cap off, than there's a loud "pop!" and this white thing goes shooting up into the air, narrowly missing my nose, hitting the ceiling and soaring into the hallway. I've never seen a bottle cover behave that way before.

What unnerves me is knowing that this 2-litre bottle had already been opened the previous night. There shouldn't have been that much pressure to turn an inoccuous plastic cap into a missile designed to lodge itself in one or both of my nostrils, thereby causing me to gag and fatally asphyxiate. I'm not sure what sort of cunning yet deranged assassin is in the employ of these diabolical Evidence Mice, but one thing is for certain: from here on in, I'm letting Mel open all the 2-litre bottles....

OW!!!

And that just earned me a smack across the back of the head. Curse those Evidence Mice!

Today's Lesson: there is nothing quite so cool as being able to parade around with a shirt that states The Flying Hamster of Doom Rains Down Coconuts on Your Pathetic Town. (Go 'Voc!)

posted by Phillip at 4:53 PM